Confess online

the countdown begins…

tin mad — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 13:47:32 +0000

in little less than 48 hours we will meet. after more than a decade we will face each other again. exciting? indifferent? looft? nervous? i really do not know. but i m sure its history to rmber. i do not have plans what is it that we are going to do. let’s see what’s going to happen next. at this point i don’t know. what i knowis i am looking forward to it. for nearly four months of chatting online, i guess it’s indeed time to see each other face to face. you have explaining to do, i have questions, you have something to say, i have unresolbv issues….we owe this to both of us.

whatever will be the outcome, rest assure that the feelings and emotion we share are true. you will remains my true love regardless of any differences and misunderstanding we have.

to be continued

an inspiring film

tin mad — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:44:49 +0000

noah said to allie “well that’s what we do, we fight… you tell me when i am being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you are a pain in the ass. which you are, 99% of the time. i’m not afraid to hurt your feelings…so it’s not gonna be easy. it’s gonna be really hard. we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.” ahhh…its from the film the notebook. the most beatiful film i have ever seen.

i feel like i live in this movie. it is sooo nice to be in-love.

seeing the light

tin mad — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:04:07 +0000

i was sitting in a bar down dom hotel in cologne germany and read the quote on the wall it says…”the point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.” yes it was from peter ustinov.

i realized that despite of pain, heartaches and sorrow. disappointment, failed venture and lost, there is hope. there is always reason to look forward to.

i know you prevaricates…

tin mad — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:57:55 +0000

if it’s true that you care for me more than her, why are you still keeping the “sign” of your love towards her? why are you still doing things that makes her believe that you belong to her completely? why are u still calling her so often? why are you telling her you love her? who knows, maybe telling her that she means the world to you more than anything else? okey, given you still love her….that is unfair towards me and her. but, i believe you when you say that you love me more than her. that you choose me over her. that i am the one who completes you. why? because i think it all boils down to the definition of true love. true love is anything but blind. loving another person entails seeing their flaws and making the decision to love them anyway regardless of their flaws. true love embraces these flaws, even your provaricates…am i pathetic? maybe, but i have “it” and i am ready to give anything for “it”.

Am I masochist?

tin mad — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 11:21:27 +0000

I never really thought of this but: I like emotional pain. I have a high tolerance for it and I know that pain is pain and it hurts. Why do I like it and what is it to like about. Simple, the rush of endorphins and adrenaline my body produces in response to the emotional trauma I am putting myself through. Bottom line, I’m nothing more than an adrenaline junkie.

I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!

tin mad — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 23:07:10 +0000

hurt, pain, grief, distress. everybody experience pain at some point in their lives. i did yesterday, when i thought i was strong enough to face it, but i was wrong. i am as coward as i was when i was young girl.

he said, go ahead ask me anything, i will give you the answer. so i bluntly fired my question. i did not expect that i can handle the answer that he gave. i was stunt, if only he could see the tears falling from my eyes, he might stop …but wait, i am old now. i should not be crying like this.

funny, because when people get hurt they tend to retaliate, it’s a chain reaction. any kind of action produces reaction, so when i get hurt, i defend myself. it’s an atomatic process. so i gave words directly, without giving a thought. he got hurt. it was not my intention.

the end of the conversation is something we both did not expect. i got hurt, he is in pain. it’s something we both cannot undo. damages has been done. i did not even said goodbye properly.

this morning i told him that we should stop talking for a while. the pain is just too strong to ignore.

WTF is love.

tin mad — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:19:43 +0000

I came accross this quote of Neil Gaiman an American Novelist, Journalist and Screenwriter who defined love in a simple, funny and obvious way – “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it…” – Neil Gaiman

How true!